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Radio Diaries: Bad Mother

“Mom, can I have this?” my daughter asked.

We were browsing in a toy store and Sara had picked up one of those little wooden animals with jointed legs that move when you push on the base.

“No,” I said.  “You’d be bored with that in ten minutes.”

Like a good daughter, Sara put it back on the shelf.  Like a bad mother, I put it out of my mind.  Years later she told me how this experience had affected her.  “I was just crushed,” she said.

“I really said that?” I asked.

“You really said that,” she said.

I had a vision of myself as a small child, laboring for hours to make a doll out of corn silk.  The adults praised my efforts.  Nobody said, “That corn silk will be all dried up by morning.”

I found that out for myself.

Of course, I apologized to Sara—long after the fact—and bought her a wooden donkey with jointed legs.  Since then, we have exchanged a score of wooden lions and horses and cats and cows.

“You’ll be bored with this in ten minutes,” we tell each other and laugh.

But I wince, too.  “I really said that?” I ask again

“You really did,” she says.