This past year has been a hard one for me, with the loss of three cats in nine months. When the third one died, I was in despair—not only about cats but about loss itself. The cumulative effects.
I was grateful for the kindness of family and friends. Some weeks went by however, before I heard from a granddaughter who is going to school in Mississippi. “I was at a loss for words,” she wrote. “I didn’t know what to say.” She is not alone, of course. I’ve felt the same and what I’ve learned---by getting it wrong more than once—is that it’s okay to be at a loss for words. It’s not okay to be silent.
Tell someone you’re at a loss for words. If you know the person (or the pet) who has died, share a memory. If you don’t know them, ask. “Tell me about your mom.” Or, if you’re writing to someone, you can say, “Your mom must have been a special person because you’ve turned out so well.”
Nobody said it was easy, for the giver or the receiver of sympathy. But even if you’re at a loss for words, you can say something healing.